God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
