He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
