I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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