girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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