anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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