Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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