Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Don't tell me you're on acid again
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
