at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
