i just sent this text using only my big toe
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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