The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
