Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
