my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
