Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
