Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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