he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
