so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
