Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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