I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
