Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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