so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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