waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
