READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
