I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
