Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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