...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
