That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
