i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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