She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
