No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
