Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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