Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
