May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
