physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
