Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
