found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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