It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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