i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
