I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
