"it" just moved
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
