My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
