I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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