yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
