Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
