Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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