Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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