To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
