i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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