Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
