Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
