PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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